Anxiety and Fears Caused by Parenting?

The other day I was going away with a friend for the weekend. Her kids were going to have a sleepover while she was away. Understandably, they spoke often during our 3 day trip. During one of the conversations they had, I overheard her telling them things that completely left me dumbfounded.-She kept asking her kids if they were having fun and enjoying themselves with their friends. Most astonishing to me was that she was truly excited that they were having fun, even though she was away (they were with their father). As they ended the call she again reiterated the same sentiments by saying, “I love you, have fun, enjoy yourself.” There was no trace of worry or fright in her voice. In other words the conversation was full of love, fun, respect, and trust.

This left me so completely stunned because it was certainly nothing like the conversation my mom and I would have shared under these circumstances. It seemed like every time I left the house the comments I heard consisted of showing me how I had to be fearful of the world.

They included:

Be safe.

 Be careful.

 Lock the doors.

Put on your seatbelt.

Don’t drive too fast.

Call me as soon as you get there so I know your ok.

Don’t get home too late.

Who is driving?

My reply was always the same in order to fruitlessly reassure my mom. “Mom, nothing’s going to happen, I’ll be fine, you worry too much.” Several times I caught her waiting up for me though she was so tired; she needed to know I got home before she would allow herself to fall asleep.

Therefore, it was no wonder my friend’s care-free but loving attitude completely shocked me. The stark contrast in the vocabulary between what I always heard growing up and the one my friend used, left me stunned. Naively, I didn’t know there was another way to relate to your kids. I know that love was not the issue; my mom loves me completely and unconditionally as does my friend of her kids. So why such a dramatic difference in parenting styles?

Why did my mom feel it necessary to show me how much she cared and loved me by subconsciously giving me the message that at any moment, I could be in harm’s way; teaching me indirectly that the world was not safe. Wouldn’t she have done a better service to me by showing me that life is fun and exciting and I should enjoy every minute of it? By trusting that all will be well and if something should arise, we would overcome it together.

I know my mom was just doing the best she could and felt she was protecting me some way out of caring and love. However, when I become a parent I know I will choose to inspire my kids to see every moment as exciting instead of fearing all the “what if’s” that we have no control over anyway.

Therefore ,I truly want others to question whether instilling fear in their children is doing a favor to them or a disservice. Why does a 6 yr old show up to kindergarten with a nervous stomach? What does a 6 yr old know about fear and anxiety other than what we have passed on to them about needing to be in fear. Is it fair that as their everything (as parents are) we erase their innocence and curiosity of the world and start instilling fear: “Be careful, Don’t do that,You’ll get hurt, Don’t do it that way!

I have had to do a lot of personal EFT in these areas to overcoem the fears and anxieties this kinds of upbringing created for me.as I grew up. I had constant fears such as fear of the unknown, waiting for the other shoe dropping, not being safe etc.

As an adult and after seeing many clients with similar upbringings manifesting similar health conditions, I wonder what would life would have been like if I was constantly told: “Have fun, that’s going to be so exciting, you can do it without me” etc.

Just say the two sets of examples out loud. You can feel the difference in the energy of the words.

I just know I am grateful to have learned this before I had children so I could break the fear loop as I know I will be able to now.

 If you are like me and had fear instilled in you as a child, you can use EFT to collapse these beliefs that are still running your life now.

 Possible EFT Set-ups:

Even though they told me I had to be afraid because something bad was going to happen and I still believe it today, I choose to forgive them as they were just showing me love in the way the knew how.

 Even though I have to be on guard because something will catch me by surprise, I choose to allow the small, scared child inside of me finally relax and play.

Even though I am scared of the unexpected and don’t think I can handle it or be safe, I choose to trust in myself and give myself permission to let go.

Best wishes,

Diana

To find out more about my coaching or EFT visit: www.inthemomentcoach.com

Did You Know We Inherit Limiting Beliefs?

Yes, that is what I, along with many other EFT practitioners, have come to believe as we have witnessed its truth over and over again with our clients. We might as well have inherited them just like we did our hair color, eye color, and height. So what exactly are limiting beliefs or the “writings on our walls” as EFT Founder Gary Craig refers to them? Well, simply they are tales we have come to believe as actual truths because they were passed down generation after generation to us, usually by authoritative figures like our parents, older siblings, teachers, and religious figures. They are ideas we usually never even think to question because they simply have  been all we know and experienced, thereby making it our only reality. Simply put,  if you have only known dark, you cannot know light because it has never been yours to appreciate.

 

 

Here is a little story to help illustrate my point:

 A newly married couple is in the kitchen and the young husband is watching as his wife is preparing a pot roast for dinner. He grows confused when he sees his wife chop off the meat ends before putting it in the pot. Not understanding the purpose of this other than wasting good meat, he asks her why she needed to do that. She looks up at him and gives him a perplexed look as she says, “Well I don’t know, that’s just how I always saw my mom do it”. Now she grows curious and phones her mom to find out the reason behind this necessary pot roast making step. Upon hearing the question, mom grows quiet and then says, “Well truthfully, I don’t know, that’s just the way I always saw my grandma make it”. Well now mom is intrigued so she calls grandma to find out the big reason for purposely chopping of the ends of the meat, there has to be an explanation, right? Well, mom was right; there sure was a purpose to it. Without any hesitation grandma explains, “Well, we didn’t have much money so I only had one pot and the meat was too big for it otherwise.”

 

 

This is exactly how our limiting beliefs are handed down from generation to generation. They have the power to run our lives without us even knowing it as most are at a subconscious level, though that does not mean we cannot become aware of them and change them.

 

Here are some very common limiting beliefs:

 

 “All men/women are liars/cheats”

“You have to work hard to be successful.”

“It is selfish too ask for too much.”

“Real men do not cry.”

“It is weak to show emotion.”

“Children should be seen and not heard”

“I have to be perfect to be loved.”

 “I have to put myself last or I am selfish.”

 

 

Therefore if you have a limiting beliefs running around in your subconscious mind saying, “You cannot be an honest person and make a lot of money” ; how can you possibly expect to generate any more money than that which is in this imaginary safety bracket (probably not much from what you are making now)? Your conscious mind wants to make more money, but guess what? – the subconscious mind ,being more powerful, always wins. SO until you can release these negative beliefs, you will feel like a hamster spinning its wheel and getting nowhere. This is why diets and will power don’t work, why you keep picking partners that cheat on you, and overall why life seems to feel so hard!

 

However, EFT is magical in bringing up our personal limiting beliefs and releasing them in a dramatically short period of time. EFT allows us to peel the layers of the onion so we can get to our core limiting beliefs that are creating the circumstances we are so unhappy with, and releasing them for good. This then allows us to create new experiences as the limiting beliefs are no longer there to keep us in this tug of war.

 For more information on EFT and its capabilities please visit www.emofree.com. For my personal information, please visit www.inthemomentcoach.com

 

 

Many hugs,

Diana